I have been wallowing. It is kind of bad around here these days. My kids will ask if I am okay, my husband tip-toes around me and I hate it! I miss our little guy so very much and I feel an emptiness. I don't know if that even makes sense after only spending a short amount of time with him. The only rationale I can come up with is that God has already made us a family, and as his mama, I feel a piece missing.
There are days that I feel on the verge of crying all day long. There are days that I seem a little to aggressive (angry). This is not me! This is not who I want to be. And I never imagine things would take this turn after our 1st trip.
I am telling you all this to set the stage for what God is doing in me. God is truly getting my attention and teaching me not to worry...I am convinced of this! We have not passed court yet. Our court date is Jan 30th and we are so hoping to pass. Yesterday we received an email from our agency letting us know that the courts will be closed from Feb 6-27 for training. My mind started reeling...would we pass court on the 30th; if we didn't pass court, our case could be pushed into March; if we did pass, would the court decree be written in time before the closure. My brain hasn't stopped wondering and WORRYING about all the possibilities.
But through all my chaos, I hear God's whisper reminding me that He is on His throne working all things for His good. I so desperately want His light to shine through me, even in the uncertainties of life and not let the possibilities of what could happen weigh me down.
One point of the sermon at church on Sunday was the passage in Phillipians 4: "Rejoice in the the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." I then opened my devotional today and the same verse was displayed across the top.
I don't know what Monday holds for us, or even the next couple of months, but I do know that we are not walking this journey alone. I read a response on someone's facebook page that said, "God does not see the big picture, God IS the big picture."
So, I am taking comfort in this very truth, in the promises that are spelled out in Phillipians. I am working my hardest to not be anxious. I am praying for peace in whatever lies ahead for us and I am going to rejoice! Tonight I will surprise my family with the old mama again...we are going to have a fun dinner and play games and laugh! And then, when we go to bed, I am going to pray for my kids...all 3 of them...and I will pray for His will to be done on Monday with our court case. And then, I am going to trust...
There are days that I feel on the verge of crying all day long. There are days that I seem a little to aggressive (angry). This is not me! This is not who I want to be. And I never imagine things would take this turn after our 1st trip.
I am telling you all this to set the stage for what God is doing in me. God is truly getting my attention and teaching me not to worry...I am convinced of this! We have not passed court yet. Our court date is Jan 30th and we are so hoping to pass. Yesterday we received an email from our agency letting us know that the courts will be closed from Feb 6-27 for training. My mind started reeling...would we pass court on the 30th; if we didn't pass court, our case could be pushed into March; if we did pass, would the court decree be written in time before the closure. My brain hasn't stopped wondering and WORRYING about all the possibilities.
But through all my chaos, I hear God's whisper reminding me that He is on His throne working all things for His good. I so desperately want His light to shine through me, even in the uncertainties of life and not let the possibilities of what could happen weigh me down.
One point of the sermon at church on Sunday was the passage in Phillipians 4: "Rejoice in the the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." I then opened my devotional today and the same verse was displayed across the top.
I don't know what Monday holds for us, or even the next couple of months, but I do know that we are not walking this journey alone. I read a response on someone's facebook page that said, "God does not see the big picture, God IS the big picture."
So, I am taking comfort in this very truth, in the promises that are spelled out in Phillipians. I am working my hardest to not be anxious. I am praying for peace in whatever lies ahead for us and I am going to rejoice! Tonight I will surprise my family with the old mama again...we are going to have a fun dinner and play games and laugh! And then, when we go to bed, I am going to pray for my kids...all 3 of them...and I will pray for His will to be done on Monday with our court case. And then, I am going to trust...
As her husband, I never noticed a change in her. haha. It has been hard on all of us but, God is in charge. We have to continue to march and let God handle things. What a caring momma!
ReplyDeleteJJ!! My mom told me to follow your blog! I just got off hte phone with our agency, we have one more paper to sign and we are on the waitlist for Ehtiopia! I am so excited for you guys! i cant wait to see the full picture of all 5 of you! How long did you wait to get your referral? we were told 18-24 months. Seems like a long time! But so worth the wait! praying for your little guy!
ReplyDeleteI will sure be praying for you to hear something good on Monday. I finally broke down and cried at dinner last night. Our poor kids. haha The closure of court during February really threw me for a loop. I was not expecting that one!
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